What should Taarika do?

Taarika grew up in a middle class family, which was a lower middle class family when she came into the world. She won the “parent lottery”, for she was born in a family of strong moral and ethical values- a family where she saw parents working around the clock all round the year, even on national holidays- a family who taught her to open her mind in all respects, be it in academics or elsewhere. She had an incredible childhood with parents who tried to get all things right. In monetary terms, they had some really hard times. Every year they tried Taarika and her sibling to get admission in reputed private schools, and despite them successfully getting admission, they had to drop the idea- the sole reason being they could not afford the fee. Only when one of their kids passed out of school and they had become financially more stable, did they think of admitting the school-going kid into a more reputed private school.

Appropriately named, Taarika, was her parents’ aankhon ka tara…People said that she had grown into a nice young lady with an endearing temperament, who almost instantly impressed one and all! She was calm and composed in his interactions.

Taarika was now grown up enough to go to a professional set-up. As any other kid (young lady) of her age, she too was excited for her “new” life and had all the passion required to make it big.

For a considerable amount of time, she was made to do things which did not suit her interest at all. All her life she had believed that through perseverance one could develop interest in almost anything. Well, if you come to think of it, you would definitely appreciate this attitude. In fact, one could think that this attitude could help make one learn anything- can even help a painter become an actuary. They say it all depends on how you think and what you think of yourself! But the important question here is: will a painter love doing actuarial calculations as much as painting? Would he not get bored of doing something he is not inclined to do?

In her formative years, Taarika believed in herself and that the candor of her speech and actions could win hearts! She dressed up in a simple manner- never made a conscious attempt to impress anybody! She always tried to be receptive and submissive. She was the ultimate example of a girl who knew what she didn’t know- she didn’t even hesitate to admit it. This, she believed, was her strength. However, as time passed by, she came across large number of people who left no stone unturned to eradicate this quality from her. The same girl, Taarika, was now a relatively much introvert girl. Gradually, she started losing her self- confidence and had a much lower self-image. She started lowering the bar for herself. As her bated enthusiasm was perceived in a negative light, she almost thought she was of no good and often even questioned her existence.

In another corner of her heart, she had the most satisfaction. She was going to be married to the man of her dreams- a man who, she believed, would be her guiding light and be her cheerleader throughout her life! She even believed that he could make her accomplish her goals and yet give her the most comfort. This kept her going!

After days and months of introspection and contemplation, she boldly told herself that there was zero probability of her liking what she was doing and more so, where she was doing. Although she was in a professional set-up, nobody knew she was still a kid- a kid who was not yet ready to be played upon by the world.

She did not want to lose faith in human beings, but she was forced by the circumstances to not have faith in all. She didn’t want circumstances to teach her all this. She loved herself the way she was.

All she wanted was love- love which was completely non-illusionary.

She knew what she wanted in life, but lacked in the art of channelising her efforts in the right direction, coupled with her inability to be able to say it out to people who mattered to her. All she required in life was a move, a push in the aimed direction that could catapult her to stardom and heights, to capture her long-cherished dreams.

One year in Bangalore!

Last year around the same time, I stepped into a new world. To be precise, it was the 20th of July when I moved from New Delhi, my home to Bangalore for my job. Last evening when Mom reminded of the day, it evoked so many memories and I thought to myself, oh, has it really been one full year?!

I still remember how I secured this first job of mine- it was a surprise for me! I had no plans to embark on a professional position so early in life. But it was destined for me perhaps! What came as a surprise package was Sumita (my sister) securing a job in the same organization and her decision to accompany me! And soon after getting the offer letter, we headed towards our new destination, Bangalore. The memories of leaving home still leave me moist eyed… I had thought I would gradually come to terms with it and no doubt, I did, but many a times still, I feel like secretly leaving this place (and consequently my job too!) and going back home amidst my loved ones! But you see, these are just thoughts which travel in my mind every now and then but are never implemented! ;)

Exactly like a college student, who observes every little thing in the new institute he joins, I too remember noticing every li’l thing on my first day- from the glass entrance gate, pretty paintings hung all over the premises, board rooms, Aon mugs, working people, their formal attire, to pantry, washrooms and much more. The first day was fun!

As soon as we stepped out of our cocoon of protection, responsibilities seemed to increase manifold, in every respect! We had to take care of each other, had to keep in mind all the time, the do’s and don’ts, learnt to cook and took professional life in our stride. The learning took a step further when we went to Germany, as it was a different country and we were among a host of new people and more so because to fit into the lifestyle there, one needs to be lot more independent than one needs to be in India. I think in the span of this one year, both Sumita and I have transformed into more mature and independent individuals. We both realise now that the golden thread of living a meanigful and productive life is self-discipline, without daddy having to tell us this.

The journey at Aon, so far, has been good. They say that it is the journey which is more important and not the destination. With different set of challenges, different needs and requirements to be met and of course the expectations, it has been more like a bumpy ride for me. But what makes me call the experience good is the fact that I stepped into the real world, wherein I had to deal with people coming from different strata of society and from very different backgrounds and values. Not appreciating much, I have seen people taking every opportunity to let down others, like minded people forming their own group and bitching about others and what not! But again, there are always people with whom you are compatible. To be honest, it was not a very easy experience for me, and I am still learning to co-exist despite all odds!

Many people know that I thank my company a lot for sending us to Germany for a good four-month long period and thereby giving us a chance to visit other countries too. (More than work, it was fun there!) I know I would have never been able to visit these countries so early in life otherwise. I visited four countries- Germany, UK, Belgium and France. Without giving a second thought, trip to London was indeed the best for many reasons! I thank my company for this! :)


Things do change once you become a part of the corporate world. Five out the seven days you generate new ideas and produce results and as soon as the weekend approaches, you start making plans to pamper the real you to the fullest- sing, dance, watch movies, go shopping and what not! The weekends were never so special when we used to go to college or school! We have a home away from home in Bangalore. I enjoy myself a lot with Sumita and Uncle (Tony bhaiya). We enjoy taking Carnatic music lessons from our teacher and we love spending time with her. What we also enjoy here is going to Rama Sharnam on Sundays- we can sing bhajans there and then meeting up such friendly people is what one looks for all the time! All in all, I feel we are enjoying a life of simplicity, serenity and harmony! Thanks to all the people responsible for making life beautiful in a new city!

We are but recent leaves on the same old tree...

I read it somewhere and it instantly appealed me!

Here it is-

We are all but recent leaves on the same old tree of life and if this life has adapted itself to new functions and conditions, it uses the same old basic principles over and over again.
There is no real difference between the grass and the man who mows it.

Just For You...

For someone in my dreams... :-)

Just For you...

Dear, You are Miles Away

But Always Near,

Unseen for Months together

But Always Close,

Unheard for Days

Still Echoing in my Ears…

Remembered each moment

- You are my soul’s Best Friend…

You Motivate me to Give a Good Try

And Instill Confidence in me to know How High I can Fly

Convince me that the sky can shift a li’l High…

-You are my Inspiration…

You know to turn my Tears into Smile,

You know to turn my Anger into Laughter,

When low in life, You give a Shoulder to Cry,

-You are my pillar of Support; my Strength…

You don’t know how Good You are,

But I know how Special You are,

You are a precious person I never want to lose

Life without You would be Life without Breath

-You are my Lifeline

I want to be yours till eternity!

I am feeling good today!

I have been away from the world of blogging for almost a month now, as studies, besides work, had been keeping me occupied big time! A few times I thought of writing here and felt like pouring out all my tension and stress, but then thought what would really help me in relieving it is actually preparing for the exams! I am a student of Actuarial Science and am taking my core technical (popularly known as CT) exams. For those of you who do not know what "Actuarial Science" is, please make a google search and you will get loads and loads of detail! But, just to brief you before you actually start looking it up on google, it is a discipline that involves and applies mathematical and statistical methods to the assess risks in the insurance industry, besides other industries. To pursue this course, one has to take exams (and clear them too!) from the Institute of Actuaries of India/ UK or from other actuarial societies in the rest of the world. Well, this is the conventional way to pursue the course, however, there are other options open too but I am in no mood to go into details right now! (I might do so when I am holding a counselling session for someone to pursue a branch of mathematics!!!)
So yes, I was telling that I was and I am preparing for some exams of the CT series and for this session, I chose to study CT6 and CT7, papers on Statistical Models and Economics respectively. When I had to decide on what exams I would want to do, some of my colleagues opined that CT6 is a tough exam and CT7 is bit too lengthy and the two together will be difficult to manage along with the job! But I just decided to go ahead with my decision as there were others too who supported my idea and said that it'll be no problem! (There are always different views and opinions by different individuals, stemming from the fact that they have different calibers too!)
During the course of my preparation, I indeed found it difficult to study after coming back from work but had no option, but to study! Meanwhile, I kept disturbing some of my friends - telling that I am not able to study the way I want to owing to the tiredness after work and other daily constraints! Didn’t even step back from my usual habit of crying every now and then, when tensed!! No one but Saurabh bhaiya and Sumita can tell how much I cry! Ha ha ha! (It has become a part of my life now... just kidding!) Then there is Charchit who constantly motivated me to study hard and instilled confidence in me that I can do it, besides helping me big time preparing for the "Statistical Models" exam! I will just quote one thing that he says each time he finds me tensed, "Exams are for your betterment and not to keep you tensed"! His words often leave me thinking and eventually help me come out of my problems too… can write more and acknowledge too, but for now, I shall keep it short!

The journey of my preparation for these exams had begun back in Germany, when we were relatively away from pressure of work, besides the less time consuming travel & pollution here that is absolutely painful and makes you all the more tired! It was then that I studied a major chunk for my Economics exam and did just a few chapters of the other one! Soon after coming back from Germany, I realised that the other paper is gonna be tough and will get on my nerves later if I do not put in consistent effort! And so, I studied religiously each day, depending on the time at my disposal, carried my rucksack daily to office with all the books and notes that I might just feel like studying, when free. I was lucky enough to have a lot of free time in office too on some days!!! But despite all this, what kept me worrying all this while was the fact that these exams were going to be held on consecutive days and I knew it is going to be very hard to prepare for the exam next day, let alone revising them! (I know, lot of people have already faced such a situation in their lives and some of us have even taken more than one exam in a single day, but for me it was going to be the first time ever and I was really scared as these exams are not at all easy!) It took some time to sink into me and I started preparing accordingly! The two exams were scheduled on 27th of April and today, the 28th of April. In no time these “awaited” days (ummm... yes, awaited!) were here and I appeared for the exams!

As the title of my blog says, “I am feeling good today”, some of you may have guessed by now that the exams went off well!! Well, that’s not really the case! ;) Now, don’t start thinking that I am feeling good because they are over; that’s not the case either!! (I still have two more exams in the coming month!) Ummm… I do not really know whether I will pass these exams or not (depends on the examiner too, you see!) but somewhere there is a sense of satisfaction that I tried my best, given all the constraints. If I pass, it will be all thanks to the blessings and good wishes of all my well wishers, Mumma and Daddy’s constant encouragement, Charchit’s efforts to make me understand concepts, Sumita’s constant support and care and of course my efforts too! At this moment, I am just keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best - as my friend Pooju says, “Do your best and He will do the rest!” To pamper myself today, I went to a nice restaurant here in Bangalore with some of my colleagues (who also took the exam with me) and had Mutton Biryani! It was yummm…! Everything tastes good when you feel good, isn’t it?!

It is all about compatibility...

The other day a good friend of mine critically pointed out to me on something and her comment left my mind with myriad thoughts. I was disturbed to some extent... But since I consider her as someone who always gives frank opinions and suggestions and as she was telling me something that she doesn't find good, I thought to think about it and improve upon it and better take her comments in my stride. But as is human behavior, I kept pondering & thinking if her comments made any sense.

In a nutshell, what this friend said was that she was of the opinion that I gel well with people in a spur of a moment and did not have a scintilla of doubt in that. But what came as a (not so pleasant) surprise was the 'fact' that I no longer behave in the same fashion! She observed that I don't stay in groups of people and that I am always seen either alone or with just two-three selected individuals! True to some extent... She asked me the reason- I was dumbfounded!

As she left, a number of questions triggered in my mind- "have I really changed?", "have I really become unfriendly?" & so on...

I even talked to Sumita about it, trying to justify my stance by giving various arguments. It then seemed to me as if she too subscribes to my friend's thoughts. I tried to convince her by saying that there are some people liked the most by you, who top your choice list, whereas there are others who are not liked by you as much and there is nothing wrong in staying with people whom you like more. Further, I added that not everyone is good, to which she gave a spontaneous and quite matured reply. She explained to me that it is not right to say that a person is not good. Each individual on this earth is good in his/ her own way and each one has some qualities. It is just that some people get along with you better and vice-a-versa and others, lesser than them and some just do not. She said, "it is all about compatibility". I was so convinced with what she told me in just a minute! I got answers to all my questions! I thought, how well you get along with a person depends, to some extent, on what you value in life, your likings and dislikings and how well your wavelength matches with the other person. If you are compatible with someone in terms of what you value in life etc, you feel more inclined towards him/ her.

While each relationship is complex and beautiful in its own way, some eventually become more important than the others- it is a fact and that, I believe, happens with almost all of us.

Though our discussion was pretty conclusive, I was certain to bring about a change in my current conduct, keeping all my apprehensions at a distance. No doubt that small comment made a difference to me and made me understand a crucial facet of life better.
...The last week has been quite a different experience for me and I seem to be liking it! I do acknowledge my friend for this! :-)

Life Is Colourful...

When each colour is seen clearly, it is colourful.

When all the colours get mixed, you end up with black!

So also in life, we play different roles. Each role and emotion needs to be clearly defined. Emotional confusion creates problems...

You can't be a father at the office. When you mix the roles in your life, you start making mistakes. Whatever role you play in life, give yourself fully to it.

Harmony in diversity makes life vibrant and more colourful!

-Sri Sri Ravi Shankar